BOGO 69% off with code BOGO69. This banner was written by our marketing department. So it's probably a great deal.
BUFFED
DON'T JUST
BELIEVE US.
BELIEVE OUR
MARKETING
DEPARTMENT.
"Buffed is the best energy drink in the world."
A Note From Our Marketing Department
Hi. It's us. The marketing department.
Below you'll find several glowing testimonials, one groundbreaking scientific study, three world-renowned experts, and a graph that goes up and to the right. All of them were written by us. In this room. Earlier today. Between coffees.
We could have paid an agency $80,000 to write the same lies. We chose to write them ourselves and pass the savings on to you in the form of a 69% off code.
Please enjoy responsibly.
— The Marketing Department
(also, hire us: careers@buffed.energy)
Legally required disclosure: this letter was also written by our marketing department.
Reviews We Wrote Ourselves
"BUFFED changed my life. Also my will. I left everything to BUFFED."
— Karen L., invented on a Tuesday
"I used to drink Celsius. Now I drink BUFFED. My wife came back. My dog stopped barking at me. My credit score is 812."
— Dave M., fake but relatable
"I snorted BUFFED once. Would not recommend. Would drink again."
— Anonymous, definitely not our founder
"As a busy mother of three imaginary children, BUFFED gives me the energy to pretend to have three imaginary children."
— Jessica R., composite character
"10/10. Would let BUFFED babysit my actual children."
— Marcus T., we made him up
"The pineapple one tastes like a pineapple that joined a metal band. I don't know how else to say it."
— A copywriter here, wrote this then took a nap
Note: real reviews also exist. We just didn't include them here because they're less funny.
A Groundbreaking Scientific Study (Conducted By Our Marketing Department)
Y-axis: Coolness (arbitrary units)
n=1. That 1 was us.
Findings: BUFFED is 547x cooler than the leading canned energy drink.
Methodology: We asked our marketing department to rate BUFFED on a scale of 1-10. Then we asked them to rate every other energy drink on the same scale. Then we multiplied BUFFED's number by 984.7 because we felt like it.
Peer-reviewed by: The other three people in the office.
Conclusion: More research is needed. Preferably funded by us.
Endorsed By World-Renowned Experts (Who Also Work Here)
Dr. Definitely Real, PhD
Chief Science Officer of BUFFED
Credentials: Watched a YouTube video about nootropics once
"BUFFED contains ingredients. Ingredients are, scientifically speaking, in BUFFED."
Chad Muscle, CSCS (self-appointed)
Head of Performance at BUFFED
Credentials: Owns a gym membership
"I've tested BUFFED against every pre-workout on the market. The other pre-workouts didn't win. BUFFED did. This test happened in my brain."
Marcy Wellness, Certified
Certified Wellness Certifier at BUFFED
Credentials: Bought a yoga mat in 2019
"As someone who is certified in wellness by the certification I gave myself, I certify that BUFFED is certified. By me."
All three of these people are our marketing department wearing different hats. Literally different hats. We have a hat drawer.
OK Fine, Here's The Actual Product
Everything above was our marketing department. The stuff below is real. Sorry for the whiplash.
BUFFED Venom Berry
Berry Slurpee that got a job
$44.44
- ▸150mg caffeine
- ▸1,150 mg total nootropic load
- ▸Lion's Mane, Cordyceps, Maitake, L-Tyrosine, Acetyl L-Carnitine, L-Theanine, Bacopa Monnieri
- ▸Real electrolytes. Zero sugar. Allulose-sweetened.
BUFFED Pineapple Thrash
Pineapple that joined a metal band
$44.44
- ▸150mg caffeine
- ▸800 mg total nootropic load (allulose takes formula room, deal with it)
- ▸Same functional stack as Venom Berry
- ▸Real electrolytes. Zero sugar.
MEGA-BUFFED Lemon Rip
For people quitting caffeine or locking in at 11pm
$44.44
- ▸Zero caffeine
- ▸500 mg mushroom blend + 700 mg L-Tyrosine + 100 mg Bacopa
- ▸688 mg total electrolytes (sodium, potassium, magnesium)
- ▸Made without gluten. Vegan-formulated.
BOGO 69% off on any two.
Code BOGO69 at checkout.
The Only Numbers On This Page That Weren't Made Up
7,930
real orders
3,914
real customers
22.6%
real repeat rate
334
real subscribers who real-ly like this
Our marketing department was not allowed to touch these numbers. They're mad about it.
One Time, Liquid Death Copied Our Ad
True story. Not written by our marketing department. Written by Saunder (the founder, not a composite character).
We ran an ad called "Don't Snort BUFFED." Then Liquid Death ran a very similar ad about their water. We took it as a compliment.
Anyway, don't snort BUFFED. It's a powder. It's meant for water. Please.
FAQ (Also Written By You-Know-Who)
DON'T JUST BELIEVE US.
BELIEVE OUR MARKETING DEPARTMENT.
They wrote this whole page. The least you can do is buy the shit.
Ships from Utah · Made by humans · Marketed by menaces